"The Lighthouse Joke" - Source: www.navy.mil

The following is being transmitted around the Internet as an event that really took place, but it never happened. It is simply an old joke like those found in popular magazines:

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

A Sailor, a Soldier and a Marine...

A Sailor and a Soldier boarded a comercial flight one day. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a Marine got on and took the aisle seat next to them. The Marine kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Sailor in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Marine, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Sailor picked up the Marine’s shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the Soldier said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Soldier picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Marine returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on? This tragedy? This farce?” the Marine asked. “This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity?

This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”

Do you know how you can tell that submarines are safer than aircraft? Because there are more aircraft in the water than there are submarines in the sky!

A MSgt, a TSgt and a Chief are off the flight line together for lunch.
While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first!" Says the MSgt,
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world." Poof! He's gone.

"Me next!" Says the TSgt.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman."

Poof! He's gone.

You're next, the Genie says to the Chief. The Chief says,
"I want those two back on the flight line right after lunch."